And the simple mindset shift that helped me breathe again

A little while ago, I was sitting at dinner with a book in one hand and a fork in the other — trying to distract myself from the low-level ache I couldn’t seem to shake.
Everything in my life looked “fine.”
I had launched a podcast. I was building things I cared about. I was checking all the boxes, slowly but surely.

But inside?
I felt behind.
Like I should’ve been further.
Like no matter what I did, it still wasn’t enough.

If you’re an ambitious soul — someone who’s always growing, creating, doing — you might know this feeling too well. That creeping sense of inadequacy, even when you're doing everything right.

That night, in an attempt to shift my mood, I picked up a book someone close to me had mentioned: The Gap and The Gain.
I expected a few nice words of encouragement. What I didn’t expect was a complete reframe that cracked something open in me.

Let’s talk about the “Gap”

You know that feeling of constantly measuring yourself against where you thought you should be by now?
That’s the Gap.

The Gap is when you’re always comparing your current self to your Ideal Self — the one who has the perfect business, body, relationship, morning routine, and an inbox with zero unread emails.

Every time you look at what’s missing, what’s still not there, what’s “left to fix” — you’re living in the Gap. And when you live there too long, it doesn’t matter how much you’ve done — it never feels like enough.

Enter: The Gain

Now imagine this:
You turn around and start measuring yourself backwards — not against who you could be, but against who you used to be.

That’s the Gain.
That’s where you see your growth.
That’s where you finally breathe.

When I started doing this — literally looking at where I was 5 years ago, how I used to think, feel, operate — I was like, wait a minute. I’ve actually come so far. And I never even paused to see it.

The Real Reason It Still Doesn’t Feel Like “Enough”

Here’s something I’ve learned (the hard way):
That “not enough” feeling often doesn’t come from a lack of progress.
It comes from how we measure that progress.

It comes from a quiet belief many ambitious people carry:

• I haven’t earned my worth yet.

• I need to do more to deserve rest, love, celebration.

• If I stop now, I’ll fall behind.

Sound familiar?

That belief makes you addicted to the doing. Not because you love it, but because stopping feels unsafe.

I remember a time I couldn’t even enjoy playing piano unless it was “productive.” I stopped reading fiction because it wasn’t helping me “grow.” I was so focused on becoming “better,” I forgot how to just be.

This is what living in the Gap does:
It robs you of joy.
It keeps you in performance mode.
It disconnects you from the magic of what’s already here.

The Sneaky Way the Gap Shows Up in Relationships

Here’s what I didn’t expect:
Once you start living in the Gap with yourself, you start doing it with others too.

You might catch yourself thinking:

• They should be more ambitious.

• They should know how to support me better.

• They should be further along too.

You stop seeing effort and start seeing what's missing.
And that builds disconnection — even when there’s love.

But when you live in the Gain?
You soften. You appreciate. You see people for who they are, not just who they’re “supposed” to be. You connect more — and criticize less.

So… How Do You Start Living in the Gain?

Here’s a simple, powerful way to practice it today:

1. Grab a piece of paper.

2. Draw a vertical arrow going upwards.

3. At the bottom, write where you were 5 years ago — emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, whatever feels real.

4. At the top, write where you are now.

Now list everything in between.
The habits you’ve built.
The mindsets you’ve outgrown.
The risks you’ve taken.
The person you’ve become.

This is your Gain list.
Look at it. Let it land.
Let yourself feel the truth: you’ve come so far.

A Final Word (From One Ambitious Soul to Another)

Living in the Gain doesn’t mean you stop dreaming big.
It means you don’t make your worth conditional on getting there.
You learn to see that here is already meaningful. Already worthy. Already enough.

The Gap will always whisper, “You’re not there yet.”
But the Gain will remind you, “Look how far you’ve come.”

Choose to live in the Gain.
It won’t just shift your mood — it’ll shift your energy, your relationships, and your entire experience of success.

Because what if you’re not behind at all?
What if you’re right on time — and already becoming everything you were meant to be?